Saturday, December 09, 2006

THINKING THE XX PATTERN


Confusion reigns, here I am hearing different voices at the same time saying the same thing at the same time. I am not insane that I know. Each declaring to me, their love, unending love, a love without limitation; each willing to go all the way, so it seems, but which voice do I follow? To whose side do I drift, which will last all the way to the end of the pages of life?
I know what I want, I see the traits in each but I ask, am I being fooled or is it just too true for me to believe? I had always had that picture of the perfect gentleman I will finally marry, to whom I will cling for the rest of my life, one who will be a friend, a father and a confidant. I had always pictured him in my mind. I can see him right now in my minds eye; but it’s being blurred by the faces of those I see in reality of it all. Wait I do not mean my mind’s picture is not real, just that everything seems to be blurred all over again.
It is not about been choosy or just been plain indecisive about the whole issue, because every one of them expects me to give a favourable answer, alas it is impossible. I do not want to step on toes of people I consider my friend but what do I do? I am stuck right in the middle of this meddlesome lot.
Hmm… what do I do? What do I do? Think, think think, kind of like I am drawing blanks here. I have to will my mind to do the thinking; I need to reach a conclusion right now to know my next course of action, what it will be like.
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