Saturday, December 09, 2006

What about this medicine?
I remember the year 2002, I was in my 3rd year in med school. Yes I remember, my class was preparing for the 2nd in-course exam in biochemistry and I fell ill. Ha! That was it, I had already sunk my first in-course in the mud, this is the one I was banking on; to get myself out of the doldrums, and alas I became ill. Fever, headache, joint pains, anorexia and vomiting, it was like the world was collapsing on my shoulders.
I thought I will be back on my feet within twenty four hours, but no! I was still laying on my bed shivering, teeth chattering; can you believe this- I was still reading, preparing for this so called in-course. I had taken antipyretics and antimalaria drugs, I was still anorexic yet burning up the glucose reserve very fast. I wasn’t ready for any form of hospitalization. Twenty-four hours to the test, I was still under the cover of my duvet, sweating profusely.
The night before the in-course, my fellow discussion group members moved the discussion to my room; while one was tepid sponging me, another was calling out to me intermittently to see if I was still very much conscious.
I ask myself today -four years after- why did I take such risk. Why didn’t it ever cross my mind, I could simply die? I mean what is it with this medicine?
What is it?


Confusion reigns, here I am hearing different voices at the same time saying the same thing at the same time. I am not insane that I know. Each declaring to me, their love, unending love, a love without limitation; each willing to go all the way, so it seems, but which voice do I follow? To whose side do I drift, which will last all the way to the end of the pages of life?
I know what I want, I see the traits in each but I ask, am I being fooled or is it just too true for me to believe? I had always had that picture of the perfect gentleman I will finally marry, to whom I will cling for the rest of my life, one who will be a friend, a father and a confidant. I had always pictured him in my mind. I can see him right now in my minds eye; but it’s being blurred by the faces of those I see in reality of it all. Wait I do not mean my mind’s picture is not real, just that everything seems to be blurred all over again.
It is not about been choosy or just been plain indecisive about the whole issue, because every one of them expects me to give a favourable answer, alas it is impossible. I do not want to step on toes of people I consider my friend but what do I do? I am stuck right in the middle of this meddlesome lot.
Hmm… what do I do? What do I do? Think, think think, kind of like I am drawing blanks here. I have to will my mind to do the thinking; I need to reach a conclusion right now to know my next course of action, what it will be like.


Paul says I do not fight as one that punches the air. He had a target he had a purpose, his motions where not so as to be like everyone living in his days. His every moment and day was directed and focused. The human life is time bound and much or little can be achieved in this time frame, we do not have eternity to make mistakes and correct them. Every decision we make in life is to be thought about through and through. With the counsel of God guiding us as we progress into the days that are yet to be seen; the pages of life are to be turned one after the other looking forward to fulfilling the calling of God upon our life.
This is another phase we are about entering; we have trudged on and on looking for the end of this page. It stares us in the face and courage for moving forward into a new chapter is needed. We have become somewhat used to this chapter that is about to end and we need to leave this zone, we need to open a new page, we need to flip into the newness that awaits us. We are a called people, chosen of God destined to be great and sought out to make a mark on earth, which is recognized in heaven.
The hopes of becoming a doctor is come to pass, what next? We think we know we know we know, yet He sits up, above the influence and schemes of man and awaits us to open our hearts to His counsel for our lives.
He watches, quietly turning our feet into the part that leads to life and fulfillment, the counsel of God for our lives we pray shall stand. We are getting to the top of the mountain, we are surmounting all the challenges in our path, and we are shining forth out of the darkness that surrounds. We are bringing hope to the hopeless, while we do not loose our hope in God. Tomorrow is dawn, with greatness in its wings, its come to wipe away the tears of yesterday it is come to show forth the brightness that will mark the rest of our days.
I know I am born into greatness, I know I am molded in greatness; I know I was made with a purpose and sculpted with much love. I can’t but be great for I am marked for greatness, weeping has endured for a night- the night might have been days for some years- but joy is come in the morning for this is my morning.

Sunday, November 05, 2006


It’s all coming to an end in the next few weeks. I will be examined to be found fit to practice as a doctor and here I am growing cold feet. Having hid behind the sentence “we’ve not been taught” for how long now, hmm…I think three years of clinical training, I will step out there and someone will ask me what to do about a certain symptom and what would I have to say? People are already asking me to diagnose and treat their ailments. I quickly tell them I am not covered under the law to do that as a student. Soon this excuse will no longer be tenable. What do I do? Am I really ready to go out there and practice as a doctor? I mean whosoever invented medical training to last for just six years must have been a bit low on the IQ scale. What does he expect me to know, DM, HT, Neoplastic diseases, Ob/Gyn, Paediatrics and an endless list of symptoms and their combinations I have not heard in all the years I have been a student. Anyway I am still a student of medicine and like our teachers tell us, learning never ends in medicine.
Counting down to the day is so thrilling, so breathe taking; I mean I will be addressed as ‘Dr.’ by all and sundry, including my teachers. Yet the responsibility I am about to take on is so enormous. It calls for my time and money, it calls for personal self-sacrifice, many sleepless nights and many days of agitation, consoling encouraging and praying for the patients. The shared pains and moments of agony yet to come, the days of rejoicing and the many “thank you” to come. Do I look forward to deciding who dies and who lives? The gory sights to come, many nights of suspense, hours untold in the theatre, battles to be won and to be lost? Do I really look forward to all these challenges that lay before me as a young, green horned doctor. I seek to know within me if I am really ready for all these.These are the many thoughts barging through my mind, an imminent doctor. I encourage myself to keep count of the days as each goes by, trying to look at the brighter side of it all. Sooner than later I will forget my fears and anxiety, become more adept at what I do and learn to bear the deaths of my patients when the inevitable happens; would be able to decipher which may survive and which may not. Years of practice is meant to add this ‘feather’ to my cap, till then I am a green horned, seeking solace in the shadows of my seniors in the profession. The vistas of success clearly open up before me, before my very eyes the hurdles make themselves obvious; now I am fey or how else will you describe my see

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

In Pursuit of Quiet


Worries and cares
Desires and wants
Brokered truce
Peaceful resolution
A dream of tomorrow
Yet so elusive to many
A desire for quietness
Pursuit of stillness
Of solitude
Away from human interference
From fears and cares
A place of stillness
With singing birds
And songs of flowing streams
A place to dream
To hatch out plans
A place to find peace