Saturday, December 09, 2006

What about this medicine?
I remember the year 2002, I was in my 3rd year in med school. Yes I remember, my class was preparing for the 2nd in-course exam in biochemistry and I fell ill. Ha! That was it, I had already sunk my first in-course in the mud, this is the one I was banking on; to get myself out of the doldrums, and alas I became ill. Fever, headache, joint pains, anorexia and vomiting, it was like the world was collapsing on my shoulders.
I thought I will be back on my feet within twenty four hours, but no! I was still laying on my bed shivering, teeth chattering; can you believe this- I was still reading, preparing for this so called in-course. I had taken antipyretics and antimalaria drugs, I was still anorexic yet burning up the glucose reserve very fast. I wasn’t ready for any form of hospitalization. Twenty-four hours to the test, I was still under the cover of my duvet, sweating profusely.
The night before the in-course, my fellow discussion group members moved the discussion to my room; while one was tepid sponging me, another was calling out to me intermittently to see if I was still very much conscious.
I ask myself today -four years after- why did I take such risk. Why didn’t it ever cross my mind, I could simply die? I mean what is it with this medicine?
What is it?


Confusion reigns, here I am hearing different voices at the same time saying the same thing at the same time. I am not insane that I know. Each declaring to me, their love, unending love, a love without limitation; each willing to go all the way, so it seems, but which voice do I follow? To whose side do I drift, which will last all the way to the end of the pages of life?
I know what I want, I see the traits in each but I ask, am I being fooled or is it just too true for me to believe? I had always had that picture of the perfect gentleman I will finally marry, to whom I will cling for the rest of my life, one who will be a friend, a father and a confidant. I had always pictured him in my mind. I can see him right now in my minds eye; but it’s being blurred by the faces of those I see in reality of it all. Wait I do not mean my mind’s picture is not real, just that everything seems to be blurred all over again.
It is not about been choosy or just been plain indecisive about the whole issue, because every one of them expects me to give a favourable answer, alas it is impossible. I do not want to step on toes of people I consider my friend but what do I do? I am stuck right in the middle of this meddlesome lot.
Hmm… what do I do? What do I do? Think, think think, kind of like I am drawing blanks here. I have to will my mind to do the thinking; I need to reach a conclusion right now to know my next course of action, what it will be like.


Paul says I do not fight as one that punches the air. He had a target he had a purpose, his motions where not so as to be like everyone living in his days. His every moment and day was directed and focused. The human life is time bound and much or little can be achieved in this time frame, we do not have eternity to make mistakes and correct them. Every decision we make in life is to be thought about through and through. With the counsel of God guiding us as we progress into the days that are yet to be seen; the pages of life are to be turned one after the other looking forward to fulfilling the calling of God upon our life.
This is another phase we are about entering; we have trudged on and on looking for the end of this page. It stares us in the face and courage for moving forward into a new chapter is needed. We have become somewhat used to this chapter that is about to end and we need to leave this zone, we need to open a new page, we need to flip into the newness that awaits us. We are a called people, chosen of God destined to be great and sought out to make a mark on earth, which is recognized in heaven.
The hopes of becoming a doctor is come to pass, what next? We think we know we know we know, yet He sits up, above the influence and schemes of man and awaits us to open our hearts to His counsel for our lives.
He watches, quietly turning our feet into the part that leads to life and fulfillment, the counsel of God for our lives we pray shall stand. We are getting to the top of the mountain, we are surmounting all the challenges in our path, and we are shining forth out of the darkness that surrounds. We are bringing hope to the hopeless, while we do not loose our hope in God. Tomorrow is dawn, with greatness in its wings, its come to wipe away the tears of yesterday it is come to show forth the brightness that will mark the rest of our days.
I know I am born into greatness, I know I am molded in greatness; I know I was made with a purpose and sculpted with much love. I can’t but be great for I am marked for greatness, weeping has endured for a night- the night might have been days for some years- but joy is come in the morning for this is my morning.